-continued.


-An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City
Building, when a young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator,
smelling of expensive perfume.

She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph
Lauren, $150 an ounce!"..
Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and
also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Chanel No. 5,
$200 an ounce!"

About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination
and is about to get off the elevator.
Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then
bends over and farts and says ... "Broccoli. 49 cents a pound."


-MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
MAN: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I s
ee the dog.
Store policy.
The next day, the man returns.
MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Well...where is he?
MAN: He's at home!
CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see
your cat.

The next day the man returns.
CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack?
MAN: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm...It's warm and moist! What is it?
MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.


-Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father : So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.
If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?


-75 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.
On their first night both were crying - why???
Coz she didn't know anything, and
he had forgotten everything.


-The teacher asked the children in the Sunday School class, "If I sold my
house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the
church, would I get into Heaven?"
"NO"! the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept
everything neat and tidy, would I get into Heaven"? Again, the answer was "NO"!

"Well," the teacher continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?" In the
back of the room, a 5 year old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead"!


-Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water?
Sarah: HIJKLMNO
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Student: Yesterday you said it is H to O!


-Teacher: Willy name one important thing we have today that we
didn’t have ten years ago
Willy: Me!


-Teacher: George, go to the map and find North America.
George: Here it is
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: George.


Q) Why are men like public toilets?
A) They're always vacant, engaged or full of shit.

Q) What have men and floor tiles got in common?
A) If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them
for life.

Q) How do men sort their laundry?
A) "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

Q) Why do men love computers?
A) No matter what mood they're in, they can still get a floppy in.

Q) What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A) After a year the dog is still excited to see you.

Q) Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A) Breasts don't have eyes.

Q) How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A) One. Men will screw anything.

Q) What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A) Half an hour of begging.

Q) What are three stages of a man's life?
A) Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly, Try Weakly.

;if you want more STUPID jokes, try searching LITTLE
JOHNNY on either yahoo! or google :] LAUGHING'S AWESOME.