;HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY, NIZAM ZAM!! :]

-couldnt celebrate nizam's birthday to day cause he didnt bookout.
Had photography class today and we had the chance to use an SLR! ive been waiting so
long for this day to come.hahas but i didnt know using this stupid large heavy cam was
so difficult.had to learn about aperture, shutter, and so many more.it really blurs me out
completely.Guess ive got so much more to learn before buying it.geez!and what really
put me off was the terribly hot hot weather outside.gosh i could have just died.
I HATE YOU, SUN. (well, ive never liked you before anyways) :]

I got frustrated not being able to take nice photos and shit.got pissed with him too
which put him off. Went to eat at wetmarket with Flaming, Bree and Jellydear after class.
We had a long talk again when we went back home.goodness this will never end!
These stuff has been making me really stressful and really down these few days/weeks.
And not only do i suffer on my own but ive been putting my anger on him and
im really sorray, baby. I get pissed at every little thing he does and of course he doesnt
like it too. Im just stupid, stupid.I trust him, definitly but i have to overcome the thoughts
thats running through my mind as well. I dont know where to go, which side to head to.
Im really confuse bout everything. I keep blaming myself but i dont know if thats what
i should be doing. ;DUMBFOUNDED.

I really thank you for staying by me for all this time, baby. I appreciate it alot.
Im sorray if ive been treating you unreasonably these days. The things are just really
getting to me, im trying to avoid but i cant. Its right in front of me. But i want you to
know i still love you and will always do. I know you have alot of problems going on
as well for yourself and i hardly know them but i know youre not feeling very well too.
Just know that i'll be there for you too. ILY, OTTO GAN PAYCHIN.